Literal Idioms

According to Wikipedia, an 'idiom' is an expression, word, or phrase that has a figurative meaning as opposed to the idiom's literal meaning.  Sure, an idiom is a great way to express how you're feeling.  But they're even more fun to imagine literally.  I've drawn up a few, just for you.

Now... go do something productive.  

Any Other Saturday I Probably Would Have Done Homework

A few Saturdays back... Tower, his roommate Joel, myself, and a few others decided to go to the zoo near our college.  Normally we wouldn’t go because (as college students) we’re penniless and cheap as a knockoff bag from the Vegas strip.  However, being that it was opening day, admission was free!  Score.  

 I feel like zoos must keep the lamer animals up front, because one of the first things we saw, besides a few empty cages, was a herd of llamas.  Can I just say that the llama is probably THE dumbest animal on the face of the earth?  If you have even SEEN one you can most likely attest to this.  It isn’t like their vacant stare and their ridiculous under-bite bespeaks intelligence.  

Also, they spit.

The whole time we were at the zoo, Joel seemed to be rushing around to find something that eluded him.  When I asked him what it was, he replied “THE RED PANDAS.”

I swear, when he laid eyes on those lazy animals, he had a moment of pure and simple ecstasy. 

I mean, there were other cool animals too, like the lions, tigers, polar bears, and several very out of place penguins.  I thought it was DEFINITELY too warm for penguins.  But then again, they were probably hipster penguins.  The cold is waaaay too mainstream for their kind.

OH!  The zoo also had a zebu!  I thought Veggietales just made them up for that song!  Though, I'm sure that song would have gone down differently if it had happened at the zoo.

After we’d seen all that the zoo had to offer, we headed out to the peninsula where there were some beaches and a state park.  It was cold, sure.  But beaches are fun no matter what, in my experience.  We walked around for quite some time, and several people fell off a sand cliff.  Life was good.  We all realized that we were RIDICULOUSLY hungry, and hadn’t eaten much since breakfast.  So, we hastened back over the sand dunes to my car.  But as we trudged up the last hill to the parking lot, we stopped short.  

Over the crest of the dune, I could see a man on the beach.  And in front of said man… bubbles.  Hundreds, nay, THOUSANDS of bubbles.  I don’t exactly remember what he looked like, but in all honesty, he SHOULD have looked like this... 

… because he was a MAGICIAN.  We scrambled through the sand as fast as we could.  I mean, not terribly fast, because walking in sand with boots is kind of like running through knee-deep snot. Yeah, I said that.  (could you IMAGINE how big something would have to be to make that much snot?  Probably a giant with a head cold.)  

We said hi as he released hundreds of bubbles into the air like it wasn’t nothin’!  We chatted for a while and he showed us the different kind of bubbles he could make.  Huge bubbles, tiny bubbles, bubbles that looked like those paths that came out of people’s chests in Donnie Darko, ALL kind of bubbles.  

He assured us that the magic wasn’t all his.  It was mostly just the bubble liquid. 

“What’s in it?”  We asked.  He dodged around the question, just saying "Oh, some chemicals.  Nothing exciting…”

After probably 20 minutes, he ran out of juice, and announced to no one in particular:

  And walked back to his car.  Or rode away on a bubble. Both seem highly plausible. 

The rest of our day was spent finding a restauraunt to eat at, and somehow ending up at Chuck E Cheese, (which I remember being MUCH bigger when I was little... and less creepy), then attempting to not run over any seagulls in the parking lot.  Which was a struggle, because they’re like winged rats and they’re EVERYWHERE.  I don't know if they're fearless... or just dumb.  Because running over a seagull in the Alli-Mobile isn't exactly how I wanted to end this day of pure awesome, I maneuvered around every single one safely.  I couldn't help but think that I could take care of this way easier if I were in Skyrim.

Upon our safe, and mostly seagull-less return to campus, I promptly fell asleep on Tower's couch.  I just couldn't handle that much amazing in one day.  Well... I can't handle much of ANYTHING in a day without needing a nap.  But we'll get to that later.